I have been hands-off cannabis for decades. “Young me” had a great time with THC. Until I didn’t. And then I left cannabis behind; I was too sensitive to the psychoactive effects of THC. A few too many exuberant smoke fests got me too high and played into “anxious me”, and that just wasn’t okay. My drug of choice in the ensuing years has been good old, predictable alcohol, with its own attendant ills.

Psychoactive release. I want it. I think a lot of people want it. Maybe most people? I’ve been jealous of people who can handle what THC has to offer. Calorie-free bliss (except for the ensuing “munchies”). Am I “weak” to want relief? Perhaps. But then I read Chasing the Scream by Johann Hari, a beautiful, compassionate book about our innate desire for release, laying out sensible drug policy, and just a lovely, hopeful support for the human experience.

At this point in my life, I want that psycho-spiritual elevation almost as much as I want to be free of physical pain. And as I research ways to heal myself, I come upon cannabis again. But this time touting CBD and its anti-inflammatory properties. I want out of anxiety, but I also want out of the constant reminder of my fragile, breakable human experience.

Given my own series of adventures, I arrived at the realization that ALL of my pain - psycho-emotional and physical - is elegantly entwined. This is not to say that it’s the same for everyone! Or that I’ve reached a conclusion. Hell no! I’m just venturing out with a hypothesis.

And so now I’m on my CBD journey. Trying out tinctures and ointments targeting aches and pains. They’re nice. Relaxing. Some ointments have aromatherapeutic agents mixed in. Delicious. Some tinctures I’ve tried have other herbs mixed in to mask the earthiness of the hemp, but I love the straight stuff. Brief relief. Can I go for more? Yes. Bring back some THC.

Now I’m starting a new experiment. Got brave and put on my “grown-up girl shoes”; I’m trying out a bit of THC in my CBD. I’m ready to go holistic and include all parts of this amazing plant - CBD and THC in the appropriate amounts for ME in my quest for full responsibility of health and wellness. Again, this is so personal for each and every one of us. And yet, being in community, we can encourage and help each other find our Holy Grail.

Author: Mission April

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